My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
