hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
