Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
