What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
