Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
