I could make wine with my vomit
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Randomize
