two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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