The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
