she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
