I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
