youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
