Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
