so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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