Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
