they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
