I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Randomize
