Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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