That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
