I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Just pee around me
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
