fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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