Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
