i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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