So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
