Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Randomize
