OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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