were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
