my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
