well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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