i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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