My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
