he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
