She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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