New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
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