1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
