Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I need a beard to bite.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
