I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
