I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
