his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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