his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
