of course. lets lasso hookers.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
