batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
You dont lie about slip and slides
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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