my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
