so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
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