White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
