but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
