She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
