why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize