Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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