And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
