i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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