i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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