worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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