Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
We left an ass print on the piano.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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