3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
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