are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Randomize
