weddingsv make me drug and hornr
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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