You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Im part way to drunk.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
