I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
