Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
