margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
