we have pet lesbian snakes
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
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