I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
