Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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