nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
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