you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
