OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
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