I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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