Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
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