I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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