Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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