i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
