If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize