By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
