OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
