Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Even my vagina gasped.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize