I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
