Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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