I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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