do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize